"The Fountain of Youth"

High Friends… Krishna Prem here… to remind you that one of the benefits of meditation is that you will remain eternally young… I look the same as I did when I met Osho 36 years ago. Here is proof positive:

Plus through meditation, I now know that the only thing that is permanent is change.

To prove to you how young I feel, check me out as Old Spice... this is a command performance by the legendary Spice Boys at the OSHO International Meditation Resort, Pune, India on the New Years' Eve Party. Simply click of the arrow below and watch me perform like a sex machine.

I also love being on the other side of the camera... here I am supporting Penelope Cruz who went on to win best supporting actress at the Academy Awards this year... congradulations Penelope.

One of the benefits of being a mature meditator is that I have learned that i am not my body... and even though i am not my body, I take care of my temple by eating right and exercising... and taking annual medical checkups.

Needless to say my last wife was not a meditator and died prematurely… I am about to marry for the umpteenth time and I insist that my new bride be an Osho lover and that if she doesn’t ‘maditate’ daily that this is immediate grounds for divorce.

Laughter is, Krishna Prem.

Ps… You are invited to my new improved website at www.geeyouareyou.com

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"Born Again"

"Maturity means gaining your lost innocence again, reclaiming your paradise, becoming a child again. Of course it has a difference, because the ordinary child is bound to be corrupted, but when you reclaim your childhood you become incorruptible. Nobody can corrupt you, you become intelligent enough. Now you know what the society has done to you and you are alert and aware, and you will not allow it to happen again.

Maturity is a rebirth, a spiritual birth. You are born anew, you are a child again. With fresh eyes you start looking at existence. With love in the heart you approach life. With silence and innocence you penetrate your own innermost core. You are no more just the head. Now you use the head, but it is your servant." Osho

All you need is love … and with a dash of courage you are on the right path to see your original face.

"The mirror of meditation never lies,

and it does not flatter.

It is impartial and innocent

and it never projects anything.

It only faithfully shows your real original face,

the face we never show to the world,

the face that we ourselves have forgotten.

So it is possible

that you yourself

may not be able to recognize it the first time!

But do not escape from it.

Face it and you will come to know it and recognize it.

This confrontation is the first test of courage on

the inner way." Osho 

So firstly, what is the meaning of courage to great meditators like ourselves?

What is the meaning of courage?

Is it to fight a bull in a bullfight?

Is it to drive a formula 1 car?

Is it to practice free fall parachuting?

Is it bungee jumping, wild water rafting?

Is it to gamble your salary on a coin toss?

Is it to insult your boss?

Is it to do two dynamic meditations back to back?

…that is nothing… THIS is COURAGE!!!

I actually learned to be courageous by studying hypnosis with my brother Dr. Brian Alman… Brian went to live and study with Dr. Milton Erikson, the father of modern hypnosis at the same time I came to live with Osho in the early seventies… below is a picture of Brian and Dr. Erickson 35 years ago… if you press on the arrow below you can watch Brian in action right now… if you like what you see, you can join Brian and myself in Rottweil Germany at the end of April.

"Self-hypnosis - For Therapists and Clients: 

How do I learn self-hypnosis - How do I teach self-hypnosis"

Dr. Brian Alman

Teaching at the Milton Erickson Institute, Rottweil, Germany

April 29th - May 3rd

Please 'right' to Brian (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.) and ask for the complete details… and check out his website at the same time www.selfhypnosis.com. 

"God is not against life, in fact there is no other god except life. God is only a metaphor for life. To me the holy person is one who lives life totally, wholly, one who loves life, rejoices in it, one who is absolutely dedicated to life, committed to life, to all that it contains, to all that it implies.

Nothing is mundane, everything is sacred. And this whole existence is the temple. Wherever we are, we are on sacred earth and whatsoever we are doing, we are doing god's work. Even the sinner is as much in god as the saint." Osho 

In testament to the work of my brother Brian, I asked him to help me get over my dirty old man complex.

Over the past months I have forwarded funny pictures and jokes to 
friends who I thought shared the same sense of humor.

Unfortunately this wasn't the case and I seem to have upset quite a few 
people who have accused me of being sexist and shallow. If you were one 
of these people, please accept my humblest apologies.

From now on I will only send emails with a cultural or educational 
content such as old monuments, nature and other interesting structures.

Below, you'll find a picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Paris .

For those of you who are interested, Pont Neuf is the oldest bridge in 
Paris and took 26 years to build. Construction began in 1578 and ended 
in 1604. 'Le Pont Neuf' is actually made of 2 independent bridges, one 
with seven arches and the other with five arches.

Fascinating.

WHAT A NICE BRIDGE

Remember

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS...

IT'S ABOUT LEARNING

TO DANCE IN THE RAIN!

Laughter is, Krishna Prem.

Ps… You are invited to my new improved website at www.geeyouareyou.com

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"Regaining Consciousness in ’09"

I am amazed and disappointed how many friends thought I was I was a dirty old snowman in my past life when they received my new year’s newsletter a year ago… so let me be straight with you… from lifetime to lifetime, we often change sexes… as a snowwoman, I am happy to say that this snowman was in fact ‘bottom’ heavy… and I escaped certain abuse and lost 3 kilos by rolling downhill just in the nick of time.

Having set the record straight, it wasn’t for lifetimes later that I realized what an absolute tease being a woman can be… and as Mona Lisa, I got so antsy sitting for Leonardo da Vinci that I couldn’t resist flashing him… when I could not even get a raise out of Leo, I simply found it difficult to work up a smile.

By the time, I reincarnated as a man I was so sexually confused, I just juggled with my balls and found myself absolutely confused between what is real and what is an illusion.

Finally after life after life, flip-flopping between being a man and a woman, I can honestly say that I respect the opposite sex unconditionally… and that my heart is always in the right place.

I also want to suggest on this entrance to 2009, that I have come a long way from being an ape to being a computer nerd in this lifetime.

So if you are having difficulty viewing this newsletter, just click on the link below. 
http://www.geeyouareyou.com/newsadmin/issues/GURU%20Newsletter%2040.htm 
and the pictures will magically appear… and from now on this feature will be at the beginning of the credits at the end of the newsletter.

And while you are at it, please consider that my newsletter is still a baby and so if you know any teenies or beyond in love with Osho, simply copy and paste the above link in the subject line in an email so I can get this cosmic joke out to old friends who may be taking life seriously at present.

More importantly, Veeresh and company are making a special guest appearance in the OSHO Multiversity here in Pune from January 10th -January 18th… you are invited to join in… I have highlighted a beautiful video called ‘Stand by Me’ – it’s a song played by street musicians from around the world, many of whom Veeresh knew personally when he lived in the inner-city in the days before he met Osho, & so in appreciation of Veeresh’s contribution to the human condition, simply click on the button between friends.

Veeresh is available through the OSHO Humaniversity in Holland… www.humaniversity.nl

The New Year is upon us… if you are anything like me you have just gone unconscious for days, eating and drinking as if your death depended on it… now is time to get back to you were you once belonged… remembering, once and for all… this very body, the Buddha.

Laughter is, Krishna Prem.

Ps… You are invited to my new improved website at www.geeyouareyou.com

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"Come fly with me"   #39

"Remember, only that which you can take with you when you leave the body is important. That means, except meditation, nothing is important. Except awareness, nothing is important, because only awareness cannot be taken away by death. Everything else will be snatched away, because everything else comes from without. 
Only awareness wells up within. That cannot be taken away. And the shadows of awareness - compassion, love - they cannot be taken away. They are intrinsic parts of awareness. You will be taking with you only whatsoever awareness you have attained. That is your only real wealth." Osho

I just returned to India and I was received warmly… and it is a delightful temperature at present… yes it is true that Mumbai is recovering from her 9/11, but already the resiliency of the Indian community is quite heart felt and life is returning to its normal chaotic state. Just before I left America for India, I saw a great quote on an art poster… it read… 'I'm tired of concepts, I want to touch somebody'… so yes I love sending you my newsletter, but even more, I look forward to hugging you one fine day in the Osho International Meditation Resort… you are always welcome here.

My very own personal understanding of life is that we need to clean up the basement of our existence through therapy… and at the same we need to clean up our attic through meditation… and that once we are have both roots and wings, we can relax in our living rooms… and enjoy.

It remains a mystery to share meditation in words… so let me enlighten you on how therapy groups have cleaned up my act.

In the tantra group all of my dreams came true. 

In the Gurdjieff Dance Class, I found out just how intelligent my right foot is… a very grounding experience.

How Smart Is Your Right Foot ?

Just try this.............. This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your right foot, but you can't.

1. While sitting where you are, at your desk, in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction!

I told you so!!!! And there's nothing you can do about it. You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done, you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.

In the hypnosis for meditation training, I was able to talk to my unconscious and break the Da Vinci Code.

DA VINCI CODE 
Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols: 

It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old!

The piece of stone was removed, brought to the meditation resort, and seekers from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. We spent the entire day discussing the meaning of the markings.

After a guided meditation, the group leader pointed to first drawing and said: "This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals to help them till the soil. 
The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."

Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they would seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.
 

The entire group applauded enthusiastically.

Then this little old Jewish boy, Krishna Prem, stood up in the back of the group room and said, "Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left......
It says: 'Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Chick!

In the Inner Man, Inner Woman group, I finally got in touch with my inner man.

So I hope you are saving your pennies to visit the Osho International Meditation Resort real soon.

"I know that you are consciousness itself, not the conscious being. Consciousness is not a quality attached to you, you are consciousness. You are totally free. So proceed from anywhere. Either be more free or be more conscious, and the other will result automatically. Be more free, and you will be more conscious. You cannot be more free unless you are more conscious. Be more conscious and you will be more free. You cannot be otherwise, because consciousness creates freedom. And when you are absolutely conscious, you are absolutely free. Then there is no cause and no purpose for you to exist. Then everything is a happening, a leela." Osho

If I have not convinced you to fly off to India, allow me to suggest you take my annual stress test as a last resort.

Stress

Read the full description before looking at the picture.

The picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it.

It was used in a case study on stress levels at St. Mary's Hospital, London.

Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water.

The dolphins are identical.

A closely monitored scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical, a person under stress would find differences in the two dolphins.

The more differences a person finds between the dolphins, the more stress that person is experiencing.

Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you need to go a meditation on holiday.

And if you still don't believe me, check out my new friend Matt below by pushing his button and watch this boy celebrate.

There simply is no easier way to dance then to come fly away to our meditation resort. Love is, Krishna Prem

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"Give Change A Chance"

A funny thing happened to me while I was visiting the United States… I voted for the first time in my life… I simply felt I had no choice. I dropped into to Barack Obama’s office and registered to vote and then went over to city hall to vote early before I changed my mind… while I was at Obama’s office, my picture was taken and put squarely on the front page of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper for all to see.

My worst nightmare was that if I didn’t vote for Obama, he would lose the state of Florida by just one vote… and I didn’t want to take a chance… I kept having a reoccurring dream that this would happen.

Watch my worst nightmare here by placing your mouse over Obama’s picture… and click.

Florida is in the deep south and in rural America ‘outhouses’ are still in use… and when it became necessary to do my business, I considered running for political office.

Thanks heavens, the outhouse had electricity and I could relax and take a moment to collect myself and say a little prayer.

While I took a moment to collect my thoughts… I often get inspiration in the bathroom… I came up with a great a idea for a new emblem for America.

Laughter is, Krishna Prem.

Ps… You are invited to my new improved website at www.geeyouareyou.com

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"In God We Trust"
<all others pay cash>

I am presently in the United States of America. Its been ages since I spent one month in the home of the brave and the land of my birth that I had to take an IQ test on my arrival to see if I still eligible for US citizenship. So be forewarned… check out the Turning Lady below to see if you are smart enough to visit the States.

If you see this lady turning in clockwise you are using your right brain.

If you see it the other way, you are using left brain.

Some people do see both ways, but most people see it only one way.

If you try to see it the other way and if you do see, your IQ is above 160 which is almost a genius.

Then see if you can make her go one way and then the other by shifting the brain's current.
BOTH DIRECTIONS CAN BE SEEN

This was proved at Yale University , over a 5 year study on the human brain
and its functions. Only 14% of the US population can see her move both ways.

I don't think it will come as a surprise to you that I am a genius especially when it comes observing the ladies. In fact, I took Mona Lisa with me to America just to get her out of Louvre for awhile. It didn't take Mona long to go modern and completely change her image… she is actually smiling for the first time in centuries.

Of course New York City isn't always healthy… Mona and I bumped into her good friend David and looked what happened to him.

In two years in the city, living large on fast food, David's body went completely out of shape.

You can imagine my surprise when Mona dumped me for David. I became so vulnerable and insecure that I just started to let go… to cry, to scream, to let it all hang out… and to my surprise, just like that, I met the gal of my dreams on a full moon night in Times Square… she said she was attracted to my ability to share my feelings in public… I am happy to announce that contrary to overwhelming popular opinion that there is love in America… and I can say from my own authority that love is the answer. 

As you know, America is a melting pot… can you guess what nationality my soul mate is… take a moment and guess where my beloved is from...

Give up?

IT'S POLISH !!!!

Okay, take a look...

Chinese family of 3, named Chu, Bu, and Fu decided to immigrate to the United States.
In order to get a visa, they had to adapt their names to American standards...
Chu became Chuck
Bu became Buck

Fu decided to stay in China.

Laughter is, Krishna Prem.

Ps… You are invited to my new improved website at www.geeyouareyou.com

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"100 YEARS YOUNG"

I am now 100 years young… my body turns 65 on September 19th and I received sannyas 35 years ago on Valentines day, 1973.

For me meeting Osho was an inner rebirth.

To be honest, I have mixed feelings as its embarrassing growing old in society… and at the same time, it is delightful to grow up.

The good news about meeting Osho is that I act and feel like a 35 year old ‘nothing’ with the maturity of a sixty ‘something’.

When I was a young man it was so easy to learn new tricks.

As I grew in manhood, I found multi-tasking difficult.

Plus I still find it hard to perform when I get attention… its not easy taking life in my own hands.

Thank heavens I have finally learned how to use a condom.

I am not the oldest sannyasin… I go to “No Dimensions” Sam, my main man, when I need advice how to act my age… not.

HERE ARE THE FOUR STAGES OF SAM’S LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus. 
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 
3) You are Santa Claus. 
4) You look like Santa Claus.

DON’T LAUGH AT SAM AND YOURS TRULY WITHOUT REMEMBERING HOW QUICKLY THE YEARS PASS!

Remember yesterday, dream about tomorrow, but live today.

Laughter is, Krishna Prem.

Ps… You are invited to my new improved website at www.geeyouareyou.com

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"KNOW I CAN'T"

I have absolutely no idea how this has come to pass, but there is a very good chance that I will be your next President of the United States of America. As a humble New Man, my intention has never been to seek power and prestige, but I am positive that the depth of my dynamic meditation will help me to be the first person in existence not to be corrupted by politics. Please PUSH MY BUTTON on my political billboard below to see a short video on how my campaign is evolving… and take a moment to consider me for the next leader of the free world.

My main opposition is Barack Obama whose campaign slogan is “Yes I Can”. Mine is “Know I Can’t”.

I first burst on the public stage when I was nominated for a Nobel Prize for Environmental Science for my profound proof of global warming.

Not only am I renowned scientist, my G.U.R.U. newsletter has been made into a Hollywood movie… Again, PRESS MY BUTTON to see if I am deserving of an academy award. Al Gore has nothing on this New Man.

On a more serious note, here is a map of the world that I have constructed in order give you a feeling for my foreign policy which will guarantee peace on earth and goodwill to men.

My first act as the leader of the free world will be set up Meditation Resorts in every corner of the globe. You, too, can have a room with a view.

No matter what situations life throws at you... No matter how long and treacherous your journey may seem… Remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Laughter is, President Krishna Prem.

Ps… You are invited to my new improved website at www.geeyouareyou.com

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"KRISHNA PRINCE"

One day your prince will come… and if you still believe that ladies, simply kiss me on the lips and I will jump right out on your computer screen onto your lap… and we will live happily ever after.

Thank heavens, existence loves you to death.

Its just not simple to find true love… my feeling is that men and women are simply wired differently. Enclosed is scientific proof that a woman’s mind and a man’s mind are diametrically opposite.

Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works? It's finally explained here in one easy-to-understand illustration:

Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision, or a problem that needs to be solved.

A man, of course, has only 2 balls and they take up all his thoughts.

The problem all began when God gave men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

So ladies, once and for all, this is what men are like…

 1. Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather. Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like Blenders. You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

 6. Men are like Commercials . You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores. Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like Government Bonds. They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms. You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

 12. Men are like Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots. All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

But don’t feel bad guys…

Dear Osho, Krishna Prem here… I recently became all compassionate. I walked down the busy footpath, knowing I was late for an important meeting. My eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days. Wearing what can only be describes as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person's condition.

Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them. Recalling some long ago Sunday school admonition to 'care for the sick, feed the hungry, and clothe the naked.' I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty. A small voice inside my head called out, 'Reach out, reach out and touch this person'!

Scroll down.....

So I did.....

I won't be at Dynamic Meditation any time soon.

Laughter is, Krishna Prem

Ps… You are invited to my new improved website at www.geeyouareyou.com

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As Above, So Below

High, Krishna Prem here. I simply love looking at the sky to get an idea how to live on planet earth. Nature can be so warming.

I remember way back when I was just a young bird… I never listened to anyone, I sang my own song… and when I built a nest in the wrong spot, I simply flew the coop… I never faked it… I just broke out, singing bye bye birdie at the top of my lungs.

I often feel like I am soaring like an eagle when I meditate…or maybe I am just dreaming…anyway I was flying high over head recently when I looked down on our blue planet when I spotted thousands of sheep… I got so excited my eyes began playing tricks on me…as I swooped down, the sheep turned out to be thousands of naked volunteers posing for U.S. photographer Spencer Tunick at Mexico City's Zocalo square, the heart of the ancient Aztec empire.

As an eagle, I was disappointed that mankind was acting like sheep, but as a man I got quite excited. Gravity whisked me towards the ground… when I was ten feet above the 1000 naked humans, I swore I spotted Marilyn Monroe and I proceeded to close my eyes as I came in for a crash landing. I felt like I was candle blowing in the wind. I made mad passionate meditation to Marilyn.

You can imagine my surprise when I rolled over and found out I am not an Einstein. . 

When you look at this picture up close it looks like it's Albert Einstein. But if you stand ten feet away, it will become Marilyn Monroe. Get off your computerized ass and see for yourself.

I made an innocent mistake. Thank heavens I was meditating, I mean dreaming.

I am not an Einstein, but I am tuned into nature and her little critters… and learning as much as possible from my friends.

Laughter is, Krishna Prem

Ps… An elephant asks a camel: "Why are your breasts on your back?"

"Well" says the camel, "I think that' s a strange question coming from somebody whose dick is on his face."

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